The term walking on eggshells is used to refer to being very cautious about one’s behavior while interacting with another who may be easily offended, hurt, angered, or upset. However, it’s rarely understood as a survival response for the one doing the walking.
Just think about it, there are plenty of ways a person can respond to a hypersensitive individual who may have yet to learn how to navigate intense negatively - charged emotions. There is the option to walk away; to voice one’s experience of the situation without judgement; and seeking other healthy alternatives like journaling. However, those who choose the action of walking on eggshells are usually those who internalize another person’s emotions and behaviors on multiple levels.
Walking on eggshells can be seen as fawning, which is a way to camouflage your authentic self by shrinking when around a person in a position of authority (who lacks emotional intelligence or emotional stability) or a person who creates a sense of timidity. Fawning is a survival coping mechanism used by an individual who doesn’t feel safe when engaging with others or situations they deem threatening or traumatic. An individual may fawn in the form of people-pleasing, procrastinating on a project, physically “freezing” in their body, and avoiding certain people, places, or tasks. We must understand that trauma isn’t always connected to a person, it can also be connected to things like the weather, taking tests, or paying bills.
You may find that the one who walks on those eggshells is also the one who thinks they can make others happy or only feel happy when others close to them are happy. There may be practices of co-dependency or avoidant behavior when it comes to relationships and even trying new things. Some instances may occur where the person blames themselves for the intensity of the other party’s reactions. This choice (of fawning) in response is normally rooted in a few things including (1) not knowing and (2) not believing they were valued in childhood; and/or (3) feeling powerless.
So how do you find value and become empowered?
A very simply yet profound practice is to encourage yourself. Too often, people look to others to find value in themselves. But your words and thoughts matter just as much if not more than the ones you seek approval from (because you are with you 24/7). Yes, affirmation from those around you is helpful, but it shouldn't be your only source of inspiration. If you live for public approval you will succumb to it also. Encourage yourself even when you don't necessarily feel like it. Before you know it your mood and mindset will experience a boost for the better. And therein lies your power. Power is the result of being valued and knowing you are valued.
LifeWork
Based on the article, set aside at least 10 minutes to consider the following:
Would you consider yourself a person who “walks on eggshells”? Or do people "walk on eggshells" around you?
What event do you believe is associated with you fawning for the first time? Or have you noticed that others tend to become closed off and distant from you?
How often do you encourage yourself with words of affirmation or recall the “wins” you’ve experienced?
Now, begin to consider ways to encourage yourself. If this is already a practice, how consistent are you and what are new ways to remain encouraged?
Be sure to journal your experience.
This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
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